R18: Free Oranges and Others

Free Oranges

A hotel is raided for prostitution and the police line up all of the girls outside. One of the girl's grandmothers walks by and asks her, "Dear, why are you all lined up?"

She tells her grandmother, "The police are giving out free oranges to everybody here."

The grandmother sticks around to get her orange. When the cop gets to her he asks her, "You're still doing this at your age? How do you do it?"

The grandmother replies, "Well, I just take out my teeth and suck ‘em dry."

-o0o-

Screw

A married couple is…

Read more: R18: Free Oranges and Others

R18: Unlucky Day and Others

Unlucky Day!

THERE was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.…

Read more: R18: Unlucky Day and Others

R18: Pickle Slicer and Others

Pickle Slicer

A MAN comes home from his job at the pickle factory and tells his wife he was fired. She asks him what happened and he tells her, "I got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer."

His wife replies, "On no! Are you okay?"

The man says, "Yeah, I'm fine."

His wife replies, "You're not hurt? Was the slicer turned on?"

The man says, "Oh yeah, she loved it."

-o0o-

Choice of Hell

Three men go to hell and immediately meet the devil. He tells them, "All right, guys, you get to…

Read more: R18: Pickle Slicer and Others

R18: Nice Bumper Lights and Others

Nice Bumper Lights

“Dad,” the daughter said. “This guy told me the sweetest thing ever.”

Her dad asked, “What’s that, honey?”

“He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.”

“Tell that boy,” the dad replied, “if he fills up your gas tank, I’ll break his exhaust pipe. Ya dig?”

-o0o-

Executive’s Wife

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. 

Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts,…

Read more: R18: Nice Bumper Lights and Others

R18: I Like How You're Thinking and Others

I Like How You’re Thinking!

A TEACHER is teaching a class and sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?”

“None,” Johnny answers.

“Why?” The teacher asks.

“Because the shot scared them all off.” He replies.

“No, there are two left, but I like how you’re thinking!” The teacher says.

Johnny then asks the teacher, “You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice…

Read more: R18: I Like How You're Thinking and Others

Like us in Facebook

Features

Latest News

5 Cabinet members briefed investors in Morgan Stanley economic briefing

  By Rose de la Cruz   Five Cabinet members of the economic cluster, except for Foreign Secretary Allan Peter Cayetano, were in New York for the... Read More...
August YoY spending rises 13.9 percent versus January to August 9.8 percent

  National government disbursements showed an uptick for August 2017 of 13.9 percent, year on year, while spending on January to August hit 9.8... Read More...
IMAGE Koko: Tapusin na ang pamamayagpag ng killer tandems!

SUPORTADO ng ibat-ibang sektor at maging mga anticrime advocates ang desisyon ni Pangulong Digong Duterte na ibigay sa Philippine Drug Enforcement... Read More...
IMAGE Lies Fill An Empty Hall

A circus of lies. That was how Presidential Counsel Atty. Savlador S. Panelo described Senator Antonio Trillanes IV’s series of accusations on... Read More...
R18: Bad Best Friend and Others

Bad Best Friend  A GUY walks into a bar and orders a triple Scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. “Wow,”... Read More...
R18: Wrong Partner and Others

Wrong Partner A VISITING professor at Florida State University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How... Read More...
IMAGE COMMUNICATING ONLY THE BEST

They were like kids, these bloggers, fighting over a piece of candy bar. After gaining so much air and print space and public attention, one of them... Read More...
IMAGE IS FAKE NEWS A NEW GENRE?

Editorial cartoon by Ed Rompal Where is it coming from? All we know is that fake news is having its time in our space. Last week, Senator Grace... Read More...

Our Guests

Today296
Yesterday709
This week3265
This month12966
Total765957

Visitor Info

  • Your IP: 54.225.47.94

Who Is Online

17
Online

Thursday, 19 October 2017
© 2016 OpinYon News Magazine Online. All Rights Reserved.

Please publish modules in offcanvas position.