Stupid Name Giver and Other Laughs

Stupid Name Giver

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. While he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." 

He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." 

In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me?" 

The parrot replied, "Yes." 

Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" 

The parrot said, "Clarence." 

The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" 

The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús."

-o0o-

Empty Seat

It's game seven of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. 

The second man responds, "No, the seat's empty." 

"The first man exclaims, "What?! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" 

The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." 

The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" 

The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."

-o0o-

Panda

A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. 

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" 

The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" 

The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."

-o0o-

Cranky Monk

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. 

Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” 

Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” 

It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” 

“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

 

Like us in Facebook

Features

Latest News

BSP closes 2 small local banks

    By Rose de la Cruz   Two small banks were closed by the Monetary Board, the policy-making body of the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas recently.... Read More...
BSP pushes adoption of National QR Code standard for payments

      To ensure the efficiency of payment systems in support of inclusive economic development, the Monetary Board has approved a policy requiring... Read More...
Bong still unsure of Senate run

Should he stay or should he go?  This is the question that Special Assistant to the President Christopher “Bong” Go is trying to answer and... Read More...
IMAGE In the know: Solar Philippines

Solar Philippines is currently the country’s – and Southeast Asia’s – largest solar-energy company. Founded in August 2013 by Leandro... Read More...
Stupid Name Giver and Other Laughs

Stupid Name Giver Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. While he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you."  He... Read More...
Confession Code and other laughs

Confession Code AN old priest who became sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery said one Sunday, in the pulpit,"If I... Read More...
IMAGE A DELICATE BALANCE

Photo courtesy of Top Gear Philippines Officials of motorcycle-sharing service company Angkas must be grinning all the way to the bank. After a... Read More...
IMAGE TULOY ANG LABAN SA DENGVAXIA

MABUTI naman at tuluyan ng nagpasiya ang pamahalaan na sampahan ng karampatang kaso ang mga sangkot sa kontrobersyal na Dengvaxia anti-dengue... Read More...

Our Guests

Today705
Yesterday830
This week1535
This month16008
Total1406741

Visitor Info

  • Your IP: 3.92.92.168

Who Is Online

22
Online

Monday, 18 November 2019
© 2016 OpinYon News Magazine Online. All Rights Reserved.

Please publish modules in offcanvas position.