Confession Code and other laughs


Confession Code

AN old priest who became sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery said one Sunday, in the pulpit,"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll leave the priesthood!" 

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". 

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. 

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. 

The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." 

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. 

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell two times this week." 


Free Beer 

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. 

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. 

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did." 

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. 

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The bartender replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." 

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. 

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." 

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."


She’s Not Talking

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried. 

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks. 

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy, "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." 

After thinking it over, the bartender asked in a reassuring tone, "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?"

"Yeah, except today is the last night."