Wrong Dream Girl and Other Laughs

Wrong Dream Girl
A FROG telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his advisor, "in her biology class."

*****

Obviously drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ye absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank God for that, I thought I was crippled."

*****

Kids in Hospital
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

*****

Lecture
There’s this man who was so drunk he clearly was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along the road, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at two in the morning?” said the officer.
“I'm going to a lecture,” the man replied.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife.”

Like us in Facebook

Features

Latest News

NEDA wants stronger push for exports

    By Rose de la Cruz     The National Economic and Development Authority wants a stronger and more aggressive push for Philippine exports to... Read More...
Japan remains top ODA source

    By Rose de la Cruz   Japan continues to be the main source of official development assistance of the Philippine government, where... Read More...
Bong still unsure of Senate run

Should he stay or should he go?  This is the question that Special Assistant to the President Christopher “Bong” Go is trying to answer and... Read More...
IMAGE In the know: Solar Philippines

Solar Philippines is currently the country’s – and Southeast Asia’s – largest solar-energy company. Founded in August 2013 by Leandro... Read More...
Wrong Dream Girl and Other Laughs

Wrong Dream GirlA FROG telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will... Read More...
Confession Code and other laughs

Confession Code AN old priest who became sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery said one Sunday, in the pulpit,"If I... Read More...
IMAGE PAGIGING MAKABAYAN

KAMAKAILAN ay tumawag ng atensyon ang plano ni Sen. Manny Pacquiao na maghain ng panukalang batas na naglalayon na isama bilang bahagi ng curriculum... Read More...
IMAGE PUTULIN ANG MONOPOLYO NG MERALCO!

SUPORTADO nang ibat-ibang consumer group kabilang na ang Institute for Consumer Research and Empowerment (ICORE) ang panukalang dapat putulin na ang... Read More...

Our Guests

Today299
Yesterday706
This week4958
This month13668
Total1028272

Visitor Info

  • Your IP: 54.196.42.8

Who Is Online

20
Online

Saturday, 18 August 2018
© 2016 OpinYon News Magazine Online. All Rights Reserved.

Please publish modules in offcanvas position.