R18: The Difference Between a Man and a Woman and Others

The difference between a man and a woman

A COUPLE was told to individually write a sentence usingthe words “love” and sex.”

The woman wrote: “When two people love each other very much, as my husband and I do, it’s morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.”

The man wrote: “I love sex.”

-o0o-

Hypocrisy

The definition of hypocrisy is the man who publishes a book about atheism and then prays to God that it will be a bestseller.

-o0o-

Top Five Things to Say When Your Boss Catches You Sleeping at Your Desk:

1. “Somebody must’ve put decaf on the wrong pot.”

2. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

3. “They told me this might happen at the blood bank.”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost solved our biggest problem!”

5.“…In Jesus’ name, Amen. Yes, can I help you?”

-o0o-

Staying Up Late

Tom tells Harry, “My wife has got into a terrible habit. Each night she won’t go to bed until two or three o’clock in the morning.”

“Oh, no,” says Harry. “What’s she doing staying up late?”

“Waiting for me to come home.”

-o0o-

Hypnotist

A man’s first appearance as a hypnotist did not go well. He got 30 people up on the stage and put them into a deep trance. Just as he was about to give them orders, he dropped his watch and accidentally stood on it. “Sh*t!” he exclaimed. It took a week to get the smell out of the auditorium.

-o0o-

Money Coming Your Way

Gary goes to see a fortune-teller. She looks into the crystal ball and tells him to watch out because a large amount of money will be coming his way soon.

Gary walks out of the room, feeling pleased. A few minutes after that, he was run over by an armored van on its way to the bank. 

 

 

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