R18: Old Woman's Query and Others

Old woman’s query

THERE was a nice old lady who was considering a week's sunny vacation at a particular campground. However, she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were the toilet facilities, but being conservative, she couldn't bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter.

After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode" – and even that sounded too forward to her. So she rewrote the letter to the campground, and referred to the "bathroom commode" as "B.C." 

"Does the campground have its own B.C.?" she wrote.

The campground owner was baffled by the woman's terminology. So he passed the letter around to several people – who were also unable to decipher it.

Finally, the campground owner realized that the old woman might be referring to the local Baptist Church, so he sat down and responded:

"Dear Madam,

"I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine kilometers north of the campground, which is capable of seating 250 people at a time. I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in a habit of going regularly, but in no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a full day of it. They arrive early and stay late.

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the entire time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. The supper is going to be held in the basement of the B.C.

"I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely from no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in the winter!

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you to the B.C. the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

"Remember, we're widely known as a friendly community, so come on down and we will all enjoy the B.C. together."  

Expectedly, the old woman was floored when she received the letter.  

-o0o-

Barely legal

A COP was patrolling at night in an area well-known for "parking." He saw a couple in a car with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. 

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window. "Yes, officer?" the man asked.

"What are you doing?" 

"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine." 

Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, "And what is she doing?" 

The young man shrugged. "I believe she's knitting a pullover." 

The cop was totally confused at the situation: a young couple, alone in a car at night – and nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?" he asked.

"I'm 22, sir." 

"And what's her age?" 

The young man looks at his watch and said, "She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."

-o0o-

Deadly Warning

Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help.  One is an alcoholic, one is a chain smoker and the other is gay.  

The doctor, seeing them, decides to give his grim prognosis: "If you indulge in your habits again, you will die." 

As they come out of the doctor’s office, the alcoholic sees a bar. Suddenly, he couldn't resist.  He orders a shot of whisky, drinks it – and suddenly drops dead.

The other two men, realizing the gravity of their situation, walk on. Suddenly the chain smoker sees a half cigarette on the ground, still burning.

He was about to pick it up when the gay man says to him, "Don't! If you bend over to pick it up we'll both be dead!"

 

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Wednesday, 13 December 2017
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