R18: Dead Preacher's Message and Others

Dead Preacher’s Message

Mr. Johnson, a businessman, went on a business trip to Kuala Lumpur. Upon arriving, he immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jean.

Unfortunately, he mistyped one character and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a minister who had just passed away that morning. The vicar's wife took one look at the e-mail – and promptly fainted.

When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message. It read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

-o0o-

Make My Donkey Laugh

This man walks into a bar and sees a donkey. He asks the bartender, “Why is there a donkey in here?”

The bartender says, “If you can make this donkey laugh I will give you ten thousand dollars.” 

So the man whispers in the donkey's ear and the donkey starts laughing. 

Then the bartender says, “If you can make the donkey cry I will give you ten thousand more dollars.” 

So the man turns to an angle where only the donkey can see – and the donkey starts crying. 

The bartender couldn't believe it, so he asks the man, “How did you make the donkey laugh, and then make him cry?”

The man replies, “First I told the donkey my dick was bigger than his, and then I showed him.”

-o0o-

Checking For Squirrels

A father caught his 10 year-old son masturbating. So he showed his son a tree with a perfect hole, and said to use that tree hole instead of masturbating.

Eight years passed, and since the son has been using the tree, he's still a virgin. So his dad decides to take him to a whore house on his 18th birthday. The son goes upstairs with a prostitute while his dad is having some drinks with the girls downstairs. 

Then all of a sudden they hear a loud scream coming from upstairs. The dad and other girls run upstairs – and see the son with a broom. 

The father asks, "What are you doing with that broom, son?" 

The son replies, "To check for squirrels."

-o0o-

Screwing a Chick

There was this guy who’s high on speed, and it makes him really horny. So he decides to go into a whorehouse and get himself a good screwing.

However, once inside, he realizes that he was a bit short on cash. So he says to the mistress, "Listen, I only have five dollars. Can you help me out?" 

The lady says, "Sure, go up the stairs and go in the door on the right." 

The guy goes up the stairs and in through the door, and sees a chicken sitting on a table. He is a little disappointed, but the drugs are kicking in so he figures, "Oh well, you get what you pay for!" He then proceeds to screw to chicken to near-death, with feathers flying everywhere. 

The next day, he was still feeling horny, so he decides to go back to the whorehouse. He says to the mistress, "Listen lady, I've only got two bucks today. Can you do anything at all for me?" 

"Sure!" says the lady. "Go up the stairs and in the door on the left this time." 

The guy goes in through the door on the left and finds a bunch of guys staring through a two-way mirror at two beautiful lesbians having sex. 

"This is fantastic. Only two bucks for this!" he says to one of the other men. 

The other man says, "Yes, but you should have been here yesterday! There was a guy in there screwing a chicken!"

 

Like us in Facebook

Features

Latest News

Manufacturing declines by 6.3% in October 2017

  By Rose de la Cruz The Philippine Statistics Authority’s Monthly Integrated Survey of Selected Industries (MISSI) reported a decline in the... Read More...
Total trade post double-digit growth in October 2017

  By Rose de la Cruz   The National Economic and Development Authority (NEDA) said the double- digit growth experienced in total trade in October... Read More...
Comelec control urged for narco-infested LGUs

  By Francisco Benjamin Garcia   Rep. Bernadette Herrera-Dy, chairman of the committee on public information at the lower house has urged that... Read More...
IMAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORM

WHILE the modernization of public utility vehicles has always been in the wish list of past administrations, thought of as a solution to the... Read More...
IMAGE All about women and wives and other laughs

All about women and wives I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. ***** Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement... Read More...
The reason why God created woman (and other laughs)

The reason why God created woman Man says to God, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God answers, “So you would love her.” “But... Read More...
IMAGE GINHAWA PARA SA MGA MAMAMAYAN

Guhit ni Ed Rompal INIULAT ni Senador Sonny Angara na nagkasundo na ang congressional bicameral conference committee sa limang probisyon na... Read More...
IMAGE MAY TIWALA SI DIGONG KAY TUGADE

SOBRANG halata naman ang birada ng ilang mga taga-oposisyon dahil gusto nilang ibuhos lahat kay Transportation Secretary Arthur Tugade ang sisi sa... Read More...

Our Guests

Today30
Yesterday751
This week2099
This month9077
Total810552

Visitor Info

  • Your IP: 54.160.245.121

Who Is Online

15
Online

Wednesday, 13 December 2017
© 2016 OpinYon News Magazine Online. All Rights Reserved.

Please publish modules in offcanvas position.