R18: Postcards from the Bedroom and Others

Postcards from the bedrooms

THERE’S this mother who had three virgin daughters. The day came when all of them got married all at the same time. 

Since the mother was a bit worried as to how their sex life would get started, she made them promise her to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl, who had gone to Hawaii for the honeymoon, sent a postcard two days later containing a single word: “Nescafe.”

The mom was a bit puzzled about the message, until she went into the kitchen and got out a Nescafe jar. The inscription read, “Good ‘til the last drop.” The mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. 

A week later the second daughter, who was at Vermont, sent a postcard reading, “Benson & Hedges.” Now knowing what to do, the mom went straight to her husband’s Benson & Hedges cigarette pack. The inscription read: "Extra Long King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. 

The third girl, on the other hand, left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. The mom waited for a week – nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. 

Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it in shaky handwriting were the words “British Airways.”

The mother took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine. Fearing the worst, she flipped through the pages and finally found the ad for the airline: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

The mother fainted. 

-o0o-

Pleasure Barrel

A guy working on board a ship notices no women on board, so he asks the Captain, “Captain, there’s no women on board. What do you guys do for pleasure?”

The Captain replies, “Oh, don’t worry, me laddie. Just stick your dick in that barrel and everything will be all right.”

After a few weeks at sea, the guy decides to stick his dick into the barrel. To his surprise, he gets a wonderful sensation. He became so hooked that everyday afterwards he sticks his dick into the barrel.

Then one day, he sticks his dick into the barrel – and nothing happened. So he runs to the Captain and tells him, “Captain, Captain! I stuck my dick into that barrel and nothing happened!”

The Captain replies, “Oh. I forgot to tell you, laddie – it’s your turn in the barrel!” 

-o0o-

Mixed-up present

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart. After careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. 

Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves, while the sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. 

Unfortunately, the items got mixed up during the wrapping – the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Not knowing what happened, the guy sealed the package and sent it to her with this note:

Dearest Darling, 

This is a little gift to show my affection for you on our Anniversary. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men’s hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. 

When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night. 

All my love… 

P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing. 

 

Like us in Facebook

Features

Latest News

5 Cabinet members briefed investors in Morgan Stanley economic briefing

  By Rose de la Cruz   Five Cabinet members of the economic cluster, except for Foreign Secretary Allan Peter Cayetano, were in New York for the... Read More...
August YoY spending rises 13.9 percent versus January to August 9.8 percent

  National government disbursements showed an uptick for August 2017 of 13.9 percent, year on year, while spending on January to August hit 9.8... Read More...
IMAGE Koko: Tapusin na ang pamamayagpag ng killer tandems!

SUPORTADO ng ibat-ibang sektor at maging mga anticrime advocates ang desisyon ni Pangulong Digong Duterte na ibigay sa Philippine Drug Enforcement... Read More...
IMAGE Lies Fill An Empty Hall

A circus of lies. That was how Presidential Counsel Atty. Savlador S. Panelo described Senator Antonio Trillanes IV’s series of accusations on... Read More...
R18: Bad Best Friend and Others

Bad Best Friend  A GUY walks into a bar and orders a triple Scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp. “Wow,”... Read More...
R18: Wrong Partner and Others

Wrong Partner A VISITING professor at Florida State University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How... Read More...
IMAGE COMMUNICATING ONLY THE BEST

They were like kids, these bloggers, fighting over a piece of candy bar. After gaining so much air and print space and public attention, one of them... Read More...
IMAGE IS FAKE NEWS A NEW GENRE?

Editorial cartoon by Ed Rompal Where is it coming from? All we know is that fake news is having its time in our space. Last week, Senator Grace... Read More...

Our Guests

Today296
Yesterday709
This week3265
This month12966
Total765957

Visitor Info

  • Your IP: 54.225.47.94

Who Is Online

17
Online

Thursday, 19 October 2017
© 2016 OpinYon News Magazine Online. All Rights Reserved.

Please publish modules in offcanvas position.