R18: The Boy Firefighter and Others

The Boy Firefighter

A FIREMAN looked out of the firehouse window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had small ladders hung on the side of his little red wagon, and a garden hose coiled up in it. He was wearing a fireman's hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon. 

The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had. As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. 

The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster." 

“Maybe so,” said the little boy, “but then I'd lose my siren!”

-o0o-

Beach Bird

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on a beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. 

The girl came up toward him and asked, "What's that under your newspaper?" 

Thinking quickly, the guy replied. "A bird." The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. 

When he awoke, he was in tremendous pain. He called the police who then asked him what happened.

"I don’t know,” he replied. “I was lying on the beach, and this little girl asked me a question. I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know I’m here." 

The police went to the beach, found the little girl and asked her, "What did you do after you asked him about his bird?" 

After a pause the little girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!" 

-o0o-

Skydiving 

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. 

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. 

He starts to panic, but remembers he still has his back-up chute. He pulls that cord, but nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, to no avail. 

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes –another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! 

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver – by this time scared out of his wits – yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" 

The other guy yells back, "F*ck no! Do you know anything about lighting gas stoves?" 

-o0o-

One-liners:

What do the Mafia and a p*ssy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep sh*t. 

*****

How is a woman like a local road? Both have manholes. 

*****

First husband: "My wife's an angel!" Second husband: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." 

*****

Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man having a good time. 

*****

What do you call kids born in strip clubs? Brothel sprouts.

 

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